Four Years Time

Today marks the 4th year that Kendall and I have been together as a couple, before that we met at the previous May at my high school graduation. This past week i cannot get out of my mind the amount of growing up we have done...our whole college family has grown in the past 4 years.

In the past 4 years, so much has happened i cannot even believe that it fit within such a short time frame compared to our lifetimes ahead of us. Our first year was a party college scene, spontaneous, you name it we did it crazy. We spent a week on a beach with just the two of us, a tent and no vehicle. Every night we held our ground, holding onto the tent as winds blew so hard that we actually saw other tents being tossed across the lake beside us. Winds that drove people out of their camps at 2 in the morning and we were able to get up at dawn and walk the beaches picking through what was left behind. Weekends of driving to Chicago, riding a Ferris wheel and coming right back. This time was amazing, we had fun, we made fun, we did not have any worries and did not care to start worries between the two of us.
The next year was crazy in a whole new way. By time time we had a first year together we had a life-changing event that made us see things in a whole new perspective. We had to begin growing up and had less than 9 months to do so. Not only were we expecting a baby, we got a picture that shook us out of our carelessness of college life. Twins. I broke down in tears, tears of "how the HECK are we going to do this...i never have even babysat 1 child, let alone be given 2 of my own at ONE time?" They say a picture is worth a million words, this ultrasound changed our life in one moment...a change that bettered ourselves, our lives, and our relationship with each other and friends/family. When i see this picture, i think back to how young we really were mentally, how young and immature we must have seemed, how scared we were to be given such a large obstacle at this time in our lives. Our second year took a lot of growing up for us. I do not think any first time parent is truly prepared for what lays ahead when having their first child. Yes you can have everything you need, help, clothes, crib, diapers, food. But nothing can prepare you for the amount of strain your relationship will endure, the amount of stress, worry, and not to mention childbirth does to your body, the small amount of sleep you can survive on turning into almost a robot zombie at times. Nobody can explain the amount of emotions that will spill from you into that child or children, the amount of money that just seems to disappears over night, all for the survival of a small infant, survival of your relationships, survival of yourself.

I heard from friends and family about that first moment that you get to hold your child, that life changing moment that changes everything, our emotions, our view of unconditional love, that steps you forward in life from just a single couple to a family. Holding such a small helpless being that without us would not survive, would not learn of love, learn right from wrong, would not develop into their own individual through time, without us. I was unable to hold Layla or Aidan until almost a full day after they were born. I remember coming out from the anesthesia and Kendall running in, his expression something i can never explain except that of a proud father, one when men gather their buddies and smoke cigars to speak of how proud they are of their work creating this child. Kendall brought in his camera, showed me videos of the kids, he had tears, he was so excited to get back to them but concerned for me. That was my first view of my children, through a camera.
This was our second year together... One that tried us the most, we never had fought until we were so sleep deprived that we would take it out on each other. Yet, we both knew we didn't mean a word we said, we both knew we just needed to get it off our chests and then it was done. A friend of mine brought up about how he feels when he sees a new parent, almost a flicker of relief in a way, it sounds horrible but to see a new parent going through the sleep deprivation, the zombie point of life and feeling the relief that we have made it past that, then pity for that parent that they too will get through it.

Our third year was busy. We had one-year-olds, Kendall was graduating, he was an active realtor, and i was still attending school full-time with 20 hours of work on the side. With all the business, finding time for oneself was something of the past, finding time for us as a couple was something we needed. We began to realize that time for us was necessary, and through great friends and family we did get time to spend together away from home, away from the stresses of parenting, work, and school. Although it was few and far between and still continues that way, we made it work, we made time after the kids were in bed to just relax, to talk, to catch up on each others life outside of the kids. We were fortunete enough to be able to have a weekend at Deadwood, my first gambling experience, we were able to have dinners without rushing to get the kids to bed or nap. We were able to be us, a couple, and to be able to relax. An important thing to our relationship is that we do make time for us, we do make time for ourselves, and we make time for friends and family. Although we are not out every weekend anymore, we have a switch system that allows us to take turns to be with our friends, to have girl/boy nights, to just get away and have our own individual time too. Funny thing now is many of our friends are having, have kids now so we actually have a dinner night with all the families and friends. Time changes everything.I remember my sister telling me from the beginning..."it gets easier...kind of. Depending which way you look at it." And i agree it does, kind of. The kids are more independent, they do not have to be carried all the time, they can tell us what they need, they can eat on their own, entertain themselves, and their personalities amaze me, and keep my smiling daily. However, the "kind of" part is the trial of discpline. This is something that as a parent team we need to stick by, stay consitent, and share each other's discpline ideas. We do. When i have people come up to me with compliments on our parenting, i feel great, just seeing the kids daily how healthy and behaved they can be makes me realize i am doing something right. Those who critsize, i take lightly and again look at my kids to get the true feedback i need.

This year we have had opportunities laid before us, we have bought a house together, we have bought a family car, a new pup, and we are growing closer. Although we have always had a relationship of seeing each other for maybe 2-3 hours a day, and even less alone time together. We have always had this since we started dating, and maybe that is what keeps us so close, it works for us. So here is to another year! We are fortunate to be getting a weekend away, and i cannot be more excited to be able to just be a couple for a day (and sleep in!).